A Sense of Belonging / Sibyl Magazine article for June


We all belong to a family, whether that family is the family of our birth or a family into which we have been adopted. The ultimate search in life is to find a sense of belonging, where we are acknowledged and accepted for who we are. This may sound simple, but that sense of belonging is often the most difficult thing to achieve in life. It can be like an elusive butterfly. You sense the feeling of being a part of something, safe and secure, and then as quickly as it landed that feeling flies away as if it were indeed a butterfly flitting between the flowers.

In days of old, being ousted by the tribe would lead to certain death, when wild animals roamed and shelter was not easy to find. Even though the wild animals are no longer the threat, they can be represented by our emotional imbalances, such as not fitting in, feeling unloved or of less value than another, which  then leads us to feel as if we are not accepted.

Many times there is one family member who seems like the cuckoo in the nest. It is as if the rest of the family speak another language and no20160512_151543 matter how hard the “cuckoo” tries, it does not seem to be able to learn that language. The sense of not being accepted for one’s individuality can lead to a deep sense of failure and loss. At its deepest root, it emphasizes the sense of not belonging and not having a place.

Presently I am training in family constellation work and have found this profound and deeply moving. The cuckoo in the nest and the skeletons in the cupboards are real and can sometimes relate back to our ancestors and the painful situations they may have found themselves in. If we can find the root of the trauma and the pain, we can work to acknowledge this and let it go, releasing the suffering all down the generations.

The loving voice within whispered to me, “Do not resist the pain of the past. Resistance causes this to persist. Acknowledge the deep feelings within, find the root and allow each member of the family to be seen and to belong. If you see another struggling to belong, include them and remind them that every being on this earth needs to know that they belong and have a place. Every tiny part of a massive tree is needed to bring life to the tree. Every life on earth is as precious as all the others. Belonging is our birthright.”

2 thoughts on “A Sense of Belonging / Sibyl Magazine article for June

    1. Thanks Jo. My teacher, Nikki MacKay, studied with Heller. She is a fantastic teacher and I have been working with her personally and now through training for a period of years. Her name is Nikki MacKay and she is a very talented lady. I hadn’t thought of writing about this, but it just popped up as part of the flow from the “cuckoo”. I am really loving your writing. When does the book come out? I would love to have it! I imagine there are so many wonderful stories from your years abroad. One of these days we will catch up! 🙂


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